


Ashes of Eden

by Aryagraceling



Series: Rare Pair Central [12]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First Time, Infinite Tsukuyomi, Oral Sex, Pining, Prompt: Her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:50:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aryagraceling/pseuds/Aryagraceling
Summary: He doesn’t look at the moon tonight. He hasn’t since it took everything away from him. Everything in the palm of his hand, and it crumbled to ash just like the bodies of the dead. Paradise in a pink package ripped from his heart. It shouldn’t bother him as much as it does. He made his peace long ago with the fact he was relegated to watching her from the corner of his eye as she helped Tsunade. He wasokaywith that.Was.~OR~Three times Namiashi Raidou hesitates, and one he doesn't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Aged up Sakura to 24-ish at the time of the war. Do I have a good explanation for why and an entire backstory? I do not. 
> 
> I had an idea of Raidou in the hokage guard slowly catching feelings for Tsunade's student/friend, and now...a fic. Minus the slowly catching feelings because I cannot add another long wip right now heh

The one thing he knows is he’s happy. There’s a breeze across his bare chest and a woman in his arms, and he knows  _ peace.  _ He looks over to see moonlight shining through the window to illuminate pink hair and eyes green as the spring grass. Her hands run over his skin and not for the first time, he thinks, she is everything to him. 

He’s finally done it. He can’t really remember how they got here but it doesn’t really matter, because they made it. She’s nuzzling into his shoulder with that quiet smile he sees so often in Tsunade’s office after cracking a hard case at the hospital, the one where her lips barely twitch up but her entire body loosens in relief. It’s pliant against him and he pulls her closer to where it feels she’ll never leave him again. 

“Mm, baby,” she whispers, voice cracking with sleep. “Why’re you up?”

“Looking at you.” He picks up a piece of her hair and lets it drop back to the pillow, the soft thud melding with her breathing as his eyes rove over her face. “I love you, you know.”

There’s an even bigger smile before she pulls the blanket tighter over her shoulder. “You always have, haven’t you?”

“Always,” he murmurs. 

It’s a sight he’s dreamed of over and over again, Sakura teasing him with the soft lilt in her voice before her eyes dip to his lips. “Good thing I do too,” she whispers against him. “What’ll it take to get my Rai back to sleep?” 

“I don’t think we’ve got any plans tomorrow,” he says. “I could think of a few things.” Really he’s got no idea what they’ve got going on, but the chance to get so wrapped up in her he forgets who he is… He lets out a long exhale and shifts onto his side to face her. “How tired are you?”

“I think I can be persuaded into activities,” she says, trailing her knuckles along his jaw. Up and over the scar tissue she draws them, until those fingers strong enough to tear him apart are gently brushing his hair behind his ear. Her knee nudges between his thighs and he leans forward to capture her lips with his, hands reaching to cup both cheeks and hold her fast. “Scratch the ‘think,’” she says when they part. “I  _ know  _ I can be persuaded.”

It’s as if he’s never wanted anyone else. There has to have been others--he isn’t inexperienced, he knows--but he can’t for the life of him think of who they were. He doesn’t  _ want  _ to think of who they were. All he wants, all he  _ needs  _ is her. It’s always been her. His feelings are absolute, immovable, and untameable, and in the light caressing her skin every coherent thought flees. 

The bedspread falls to his legs as she slides onto him, rolling her hips with a small smirk. “Keep me awake for a midnight fuck,” she sighs to the ceiling. “What to do with you?”

“There’s really only one thing I can think of.” He hisses softly as she grinds down. “And that’s a good start.” 

Sakura allows him time. The powerful muscles of her thighs jump and bunch under his questing touch, supporting her as she moves against him. It’s exactly what they need tonight--bodies rubbing together languidly with not a care in sight. His pants aren’t even off and yet she feels so fucking  _ close.  _ “Raidou,” she whispers as she twines their fingers together on her hips. “Do you think we can make tonight last forever?”

“If you’ll let me,” he says. “Please let me.”

“You know I will.” Her head tips back when his fingers dip under the line of her underwear and he listens with rapt attention to the hushed groan he draws out when he curls them. “Please, baby…”

He slides his free hand up her side to cup her ribs, thumb sliding along the soft outer curve of her breast as he lazily sits up to kiss along her collarbone. It’s unmarred save for a few scars from stray weapons and tonight, he aims to change that. His lips close around the skin and draw it between his teeth to suck slowly as he draws blood to the surface. “You’re mine,” he murmurs. He’s never been possessive, never been  _ needy  _ like he is right now, but her fingers card through his hair and draw him closer as she agrees.

The matching mark he puts on the other shoulder is received just as well.

“What’s it going to take to get you inside of me?” she asks softly.

“You only have to ask,” he says. She whines in frustration when he withdraws his fingers, but drops to the mattress at his whispered request. Her fingers pull at the elastic of his pants--when  _ isn’t  _ she impatient--and he takes her hands in his to pull those fingers to his lips. “We wanted tonight to last, Sakura, so quick to begin b--”

“Say begging and I’ll lay you out and edge you until you cry,” she says quickly.

“Can’t get anything past you.” He grins into her neck as he kneels to spread his legs under hers, dragging her hips to meet his. “My love.”

“Mhmm,” she hums. The vibrations travel through him like lightning, tingling through his veins and setting him alight. As she adjusts, she pulls his fingers back to her center. “Make me feel good, Raidou. Show me how much you love me.”

Their house could burn down around him for all he cares. He pushes his hand back under her underwear and appreciates the way she’s already wet. She’s wet for  _ him.  _ Her skin blooms red as he continues to mark along her shoulders, her neck, her chest. He’ll pay, he knows, but she doesn’t seem to mind as long as he continues stroking along her folds, circling her clit with a calloused thumb. 

She’s sweet. He hooks his fingers around the fabric and tugs it away, casting it aside to worry about later. There’s one thing he wants now, laid open and waiting for him. Pink and white swirl together in a blur as he shuts his eyes, leans close, and drags his tongue across her. He wraps his arms around her thighs to hold her fast, lips twitching up as she protests being restrained. 

“You’re too strong for that,” he says after a few more swipes of his tongue. His chin rests on her pelvis and she glares down at him, no evidence of malice in those jade irises. “I’d be a little upset if you crushed my head.” He trails his fingers over the skin of her thighs and she flops back to the pillow with a low groan when his lips meet hers again.

“I suppose you couldn’t do this then,” she says.

He nods.

“Then get on with it.”

He could destroy her just like this, pin her down and make her come with just his tongue. She cries out when he closes his mouth over her clit and sucks gently. It’s a sound he’ll never grow tired of hearing. He feels the quivering in her thighs when it begins, the way she shudders when he pushes two fingers into her. 

“‘M gonna come,” she slurs above him, “‘f you don’t hurry up an’ fuck me.”

“Maybe…” No, that isn’t what he wants. Not tonight.  _ Not now. _ He leaves her teetering on the brink and sheds his pajama pants, hiking her legs over his arms as he leans back over her. “Sakura,” he sighs as he presses in. Slick heat surrounds him and he’s never felt more at home, foreheads touching as her arms wind over his shoulders to tuck him close. “Sakura.”

“I’m right here, baby,” she whispers. “Always have been, always will be.”

“You--” There’s a strange sense of urgency that overcomes him, and he shakes his head before rocking into her. He needs this. _They_ need this. His deep breath doesn’t go unnoticed, Sakura’s fingers working to release the tension in his shoulders. “Fuck, you’re--” 

“Raidou?”

_ She’s here. It’s okay.  _ He pushes the thought to the side and closes his eyes, focusing on her surrounding every part of him. There is no need for worry in this house and especially in this bed. “Stay,” he catches himself whispering, and opens his eyes to see her brow knit in concern. “Stay, Sakura.”

“I--” 

Everything  _ is  _ fading now. The moonlight begins to swallow the walls, the bedspread, her hair, and as panic sets in he digs his fingers into her shoulders. Her lips are moving but he can’t  _ hear  _ her. “No, no,  _ Sakura,”  _ he screams as she begins to crumble below him.  _ “Stay!” _

**

“A dream.” Raidou sits in a tent on a supply box days later, Genma standing in front of him with arms crossed. “It was just a stupid fucking dream.” He scrubs the back of his hand across dry eyes and chuckles mirthlessly. “It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t real.”

“I think it kind of was,” Genma says quietly. He kicks into Raidou’s field of vision before tapping on his head. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

“It wasn’t  _ real,”  _ Raidou spits, venomous. “I’m not going to waste precious time on something that’s a goddamned lie.” He smacks Genma’s hand away and stands, shoving past him to walk into the dark. It’s almost a good thing it’s wartime, because no one questions the soldier pills he takes so he doesn’t have to go back to that place. He’s managed to avoid her and most of her friends by clearing bodies instead of transporting wounded. 

That’s not good for him either, but what in war is?

He doesn’t look at the moon tonight. He hasn’t since it took everything away from him.  _ Everything  _ in the palm of his hand, and it crumbled to ash just like the bodies of the dead. Paradise in a pink package ripped from his heart. It shouldn’t bother him as much as it does. He made his peace long ago with the fact he was relegated to watching her from the corner of his eye as she helped Tsunade. He was  _ okay  _ with that. 

_ Was. _

A breeze stirs and he shivers as it cuts through his uniform. Genma doesn’t follow, much to his relief, and he slumps to the ground after a few minutes. His head rests on bended knees, eyes screwed shut in a steadfast refusal to cry. Everyone’s mourning. Tears will do nothing but get him lectured. 

Eventually the wind quiets along with the cries of people in tents around him. There was some of pleasure and some of pain but what matters most is none were his, because he is strong. He’s faithful, he’s capable, he’s--

He pinches the bridge of his nose at the quiet  _ hers  _ his mind supplies. 

She’s got to be somewhere far away. He really hopes she is. Seeing her heal and work will do nothing but drag him deeper under the tide of feeling that threatens to rise up and drown him. Those fingers that were so gentle on his skin now knitting wounds back together will do nothing but bring pain. That hushed voice whispering his name…

He doesn’t notice her presence until it’s too late. “Raidou?” Sakura asks softly, and he doesn’t react. “It’s late.”

“There’s still things to do.”

“Sitting in the grass is a funny way of getting things done.” She settles beside him with a groan that has him remembering the way she sank onto his fingers. “It’s good you’re getting a break.”

“Yeah,” he says. He curls deeper into himself, looking out of the corner of his eye to see her laying down. “Don’t you have a bedroll for that?”

“I haven’t really been sleeping.” She yawns before letting out a soft laugh and rolling over to prop her head on her hand. “I guess not many of us have, huh?”

“No one wants to go back,” he says, and her gaze drops as she mumbles something. “What?”

“I didn’t…experience it,” she says. 

It’s barely audible over the rushing in his head. Any  _ remotely  _ possible hope is gone now, cast aside with the revelation. “Oh,” he says, almost a whimper. His voice cracks like a child’s as he buries his face in his arms. “That’s good.”

“I guess, yeah,” she says. “I do wonder what I would’ve seen.”

“You shouldn’t,” he whispers. “You don’t know how awful it feels to have it...stolen.” He shies away from her extended hand and hates himself the next instant for recoiling. “You couldn’t know. You  _ shouldn’t.  _ It’s not for you to bear.”

“Was it that bad, Raidou?”

“No.”

She moves closer to peer up at him through his arms with uneasy eyes. “It wasn’t bad?”

“Losing y--” He stops himself just in time, body going rigid before turning abruptly away from her.  _ Losing you was harder than anything I’ve ever gone through,  _ is what he wants to say. He wants to take her and hold her and show her  _ exactly  _ what she missed in that time. “Losing...that world...was hard,” he says instead. “The dream was perfect. Waking up was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Don’t say that, Rai,” she says.

“You don’t understand,” he rasps, tears clawing their way up his throat as her hand falls to rest on the small of his back. “It was  _ right there.”  _ It’s everything he can do to to not let his eyes overflow in front of her. “I had it all, Sakura.” 

_ I had  _ you.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asks, fingers rubbing into the stiff muscles. “It’s sort of what I’m around for.”

He doesn’t answer.

He can’t.

His throat works around the lump in it, trying desperately to find the oxygen he’s missing. It’s a few seconds too long and she sighs as she lets her hand drop back to the grass. “Silence is okay too, I guess,” she says. “We all have stuff to work through.”

He hopes the darkness hides the way his shoulders are beginning to shake. “We do.” His thinking might make him a damn good guard but in the night with her too close for comfort, it’s too much and he needs her to  _ stop.  _ “So let me work through it.”

“Is this you telling me to leave?” she asks, and he nods into his knees. “I’m sorry, I guess,” she says. “I hope you’re able to find peace.”

“Me too,” he says when she’s out of earshot. He doesn’t bother holding back the tears from spilling down his cheeks now that he’s alone once more. They’re burning as they carve across his scars and he thinks it’s appropriate, because now he can focus on each drop that stains the fabric of his pants. “But I can’t, because you’re--”

Arms wrap around him from behind as Genma’s voice whispers in his ear. “It’s okay,” he says. “I’m here, Rai. Let it go.” He holds Raidou to his chest and rocks slowly as he smooths a hand over his hair. “She came and got me to check on you, it’s okay.”

“I was doing well, Gen.” Raidou grinds the heel of his hand into his forehead as he slumps back. “And now it’s just...gone. She’s all gone.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Feedback is _always_ appreciated and encouraged, be it via kudos/comments/bookmarks or through any of my social media below.
> 
> * [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sparkswithyou)  
> * [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4)  
> * [Discord](https://discord.gg/ZkxAX9r) (or aryagraceling#4222 if you're not looking for another server)  
> * [AO3 Armada](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951), a facebook group for all creators and readers.


	2. Chapter 2

Six months pass and the feelings don’t fade. He does not turn to a bottle as some do, nor does he turn to drugs or sex. Even when Genma jostles his arm and asks when the last time he got laid was, he simply looks down at the wood of the table and shrugs off the question. It is six months of rebuilding and growth, but he feels stuck in the normalcy. 

He’s stuck in the in-between.

Six months pass until Genma tells him they’re going out, that everyone’s gathering at the bar for someone’s birthday, he doesn’t catch whose. “Do I have to go? I’d rather not.”

Genma sits on the coffee table in front of him and takes both his hands with a heavy sigh, eyes darting across Raidou’s with concern. “You’re going,” he says slowly, “because you rarely leave the house these days. You are my best friend, I love you, and you are going out for  _ one  _ damn night, Raidou.”

“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” Raidou asks. Genma shakes his head, and he sinks back into the couch without trying to take his hands back. “When?”

“An hour. Get dressed.” 

Genma lets him go and walks around the back of the couch to ruffle his hair before disappearing into the bedroom, leaving him to ruminate--Genma would call it  _ sulking--  _ with his arms crossed. It’s stupid, he knows, trying to avoid her. He should go and get her. Flirt, grab a drink, do the wooing thing, fall in love…

But what if she doesn’t feel the same way?

He’s only a little ashamed when Genma has to all but drag him out of the house. Bars are noisy, crowded places he tends to avoid even on good days but when Genma is determined, Genma will not stop. Raidou still hasn’t told him what he dreamed about, and he doubts Genma’s told him the actual truth. His friend is a proud man, open, but actual vulnerability is not his strong suit. 

Kakashi greets them first, on his way out to smoke. “Pleasant surprise,” he says, eyeing Raidou up and down. “Been a while since we’ve seen you out and about.”

“Get off him,” Genma says with a slight shove to his shoulder. “I had to drag him.”

“I’m right here,” Raidou says dryly. “If you’ll excuse me.” He nods, Genma turning to Kakashi to continue talking, and walks in to the sound of upbeat music and idle chatter. There’s no sign of pink tonight. He’s a little frustrated he’s grateful. He should  _ want  _ to see her, should want to see her smile and feel the gentle touch of her hand on his back when she passes. 

Exactly like the one he feels right now.

“Boo,” she laughs when he starts, nearly upending his glass. She slides onto the stool next to him and orders, crossing her legs demurely before looking to him out of the corner of her eye. “Scare you?”

“Didn’t see you here,” he says. “Wasn’t expecting it.”

“I thought you were the elite guard,” she says with a smirk. “Should pay more attention.”

“Mm.” He fixes his attention on the patterns of the bar, tracing each grain of wood with laser accuracy as she thanks and pays the bartender for her drink.  _ “Talk, idiot,”  _ he can almost hear Genma say.  _ “She came and sat by you for a reason.” _

“So--” Sakura swirls her drink idly and pulls her lip between her teeth-- “what’s a girl got to do to get some words out of the strange man at the bar?”

“Tch,” he says, dropping his head between his shoulders in amused frustration at how many times he’s rehearsed moments like these. None helped, because he can’t  _ think.  _ He can barely breathe without turning and nuzzling into her hair, her throat he  _ knows  _ has to be smoother than Genma with a few drinks in him. “I, ah...words. They’re um--”

_ Fuck. _

“You know me,” she reminds gently. “I don’t bite, Rai.”

“You could,” is out before he can stop himself. He plants both hands on the bar and takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes in an attempt to calm his racing heart. “I didn’t mean that.”

“I  _ could,  _ huh?” She takes a finger between her front teeth, looking out at him from behind almost white lashes as the tip of her tongue barely peeks out of her lips. “Is that something you’re into?”

He should say no. He should shake his head and let things go back to the same awkward equilibrium they’ve seemed to reach. He should fall back into the comfort of pushing feelings to the side to save what he has with her now, their friendship. He  _ should. _

Instead, he takes a drink and gives her a curt nod.

“You get this shaking in your fingers when you’re nervous,” she says, letting the finger drop as her hand inches toward his. “Why are you nervous around friends, Raidou?”

“Hey!” Genma’s shout reaches them from the door and they both turn to see him making his way through the crowd before tossing an arm over both of their shoulders. “I see you two managed to meet up. Is he treating you right, honey?”

“We were talking about biting,” she says, arching a brow as Raidou cringes. “Apparently our friend ha--”

“We’re fine, Genma!” Raidou yelps before the other can ruin this for him. He ducks out from under the arm and gives him the look that means  _ later  _ before looking back to Sakura with an apologetic smile. “He gets this way sometimes.”

“Oh, I know all about Genma.” Sakura snickers and pushes him away, keeping him at bay with one strong hand on his chest.  _ “Genma--”  _ Raidou sees a small burst of chakra right before Genma winces and jumps back-- “was telling me earlier that I should come out because there’d be someone here making it worth my time.”

“It was m--” Genma begins.

“You, Raidou,” Sakura says, and Raidou can’t see any trace of a lie in her eyes as she smiles up at him. “He told me you were coming, and I missed you.”

Raidou’s pretty sure his throat’s never been this dry. His voice doesn’t come out at first, Genma’s lips turning up in a smile before he turns away and whispers something to Sakura before leaving. “Y-you missed me? I’ve been there most days.” 

“Yeah, you haven’t  _ really  _ though.” Sakura leans on an elbow, cheek squished on a fist. “Something’s off.”

“A lot of things are,” he says. “There was a war, it was this whole thing.” He circles a hand by his head and flushes at the laugh it draws out. “Ah--” his mouth cocks up before he takes a drink-- “I’ve just been...distracted. What I saw, you know.”

There’s no way she misses how his gaze flickers to her.

“Ahh.”

“I’m sorry, you know,” he says. “I wasn’t good to you that night afterwards. I snapped.”

“It was a hard time. I wasn’t too worried about it,” she says with a wave of her hand. “Besides, I didn’t come to talk about the war. I came to talk about why exactly it was that Genma showed up at my doorstep begging me to come out tonight.” Her legs uncross and one brushes against his, drawing out the barest shiver as he tries not to relax too hard. “I think you’re fixating on it and that’s why you haven’t been yourself.”

“And you’ve come to fix my fixating.”

“Maybe.”

“Sakura, I…” He swallows hard before turning to her. “Fixing?”

Her hand falls to his knee as she leans forward, her shirt dipping low enough he can see nearly everything that haunts him. “Buy me a drink first, Raidou. We’ll figure this out.”

**

He doesn’t tell her that night, or the next, or the next. They barely touch, only mere whispers of hands and fingers along each other’s skin in the moments they capture together. It’s not for lack of wanting, no. There’s nothing he wants more than to hold her. But making that move means possibly interrupting the equilibrium already being slowly eroded. 

She does not push. 

She pulls, prods, coaxes him with kind words and green eyes glimmering in the sunlight, but she does not push. It’s a tentative exchange of maybes and secrets in the days before she’s sent away on a mission, and he finds himself missing her from the second she steps out the gate. 

Genma pushes, though.

He cajoles and wheedles his way under Raidou’s arm on the couch one night, grinning up at him from his lap. “I knew it was her,” he says. “You’ve been so happy these two weeks, even when she’s away. You’re not sneaky, Raidou.”

“You--” Raidou pushes him off and he falls to the floor with a discraced huff-- “are a menace to society and my sanity.”

“I am a delight and you owe me for getting you together. You’re welcome. I have seen you smile more in the last three days than I have in  _ months,  _ Rai.” Genma sits up and waves away his retaliatory scowl. “Kakashi and I are going out the night she comes back--regardless of when--and you are getting in there.”

“I’m not going to ‘get in there,’” Raidou says. “We haven’t even kissed yet.”

“Why not?”

“It’s been two weeks?”

“Please,” Genma says. “I fucked Kakashi thirty minutes into our first date. I mean it’s your business, but…” He curves his hands with a sharp inhale, leaving Raidou spluttering as he gets up to make coffee. “I’m just saying,” he says as he prepares things, “she’d be all over you.”

“I don’t want to push it,” Raidou says. “Too much too fast.”

Genma does not know the meaning of slow. He doesn’t know what it’s like to let feelings simmer for weeks, months, years, only to realize it’s all you’ve really  _ ever  _ wanted… He knows what it’s like to take, to move quickly. Genma does not know caution when it comes to a partner. Over and over he’ll push for more, faster--never to the point of pain--but he does not understand what it means to Raidou to be patient.

Those first cautious brushes of lips against the other are  _ addicting.  _

The days before Sakura comes back are long and boring, nothing but Tsunade’s work and Genma’s chattering to fill the space where Sakura sat. When she does come home, though, dirty with a bloodstained uniform and bruises, he’s barely turned around before she’s crushing his ribs in a hug. “I missed you again,” she whispers into his chest. “Did you miss me?”

“Who wouldn’t?” he asks.

“Sakura!” Tsunade shouts from her office, and both look at each other knowingly. 

“Maybe one person,” she says.

“I think she has her own way of missing you,” he says, patting her on the shoulder as she walks in. Tsunade really does. She might be domineering and brash, but she cares in her own way. He listens to the sounds of Tsunade fussing over her and when she walks out, she shoots him a grin over her shoulder before telling him she’ll be over later. 

True to his word, Genma’s nowhere to be found when Raidou gets back to their apartment. He paces the floor in bare feet and casual civilian clothes, unsure of what exactly is supposed to constitute a ‘first time your partner shows up to your place’ date, until there’s a knock on the door to set his hands to shaking again.

It’s not the panties she was wearing in the dream, but the short dress she’s in nearly sends him to his knees. “See something you like?” she asks softly.

“Yeah, I do.” Even with the blooming bruises she’s a vision, and he invites her inside to appreciate the view as she walks in and toes her shoes off. “Several things.”

“Such as?” She laces their fingers together and leads him back into the kitchen to perch on the corner of the table. Closer, she guides him, until she’s pulled his arms around her back and trapped him. Like in the dream, her eyes move up, down, and back again as she leans forward. “What would you like, Raidou?”

His heart nearly stops. It’s too close, and it’s not  _ right.  _ He takes in a panicked breath and pulls his hands away to take a step back. The floor wavers as he’s sucked back into the memory he’s so carefully been avoiding, the feeling of being so lost in her he’s stupid with it. “I-- I want--” It’s almost staticky, his head, and he puts his hands to his eyes as he stumbles backwards. It’s never been this bad, not even during those first few weeks when the dream became a nightmare. 

“Rai?” he hears distantly. “Hey, hey, listen to me. Focus on me.” There’s a hand on his arm and he gasps at the sensation cutting through the grey. “Where’d you go? Shhh,” she whispers. He’s drawn forward to rest against her and he  _ does,  _ quivering as he splays his hands on the table. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” 

“No,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “No, you’re…” He brings a hand up to press against her back, seeking the pulse and breath in her lungs before she fades away again. “You’re going to go. Stay. Stay, please, Saku--”

“Raidou.”

_ “Stay.” _

Her hands grip his face and pull his forehead to hers as his fingers clutch at the back of her dress. “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispers. “I’m not leaving.”

“You said that last time too,” he says into her neck, and it  _ is _ just as soft as it was in the dream. “And then--” His voice breaks and he doesn’t give it a second chance before holding her tighter. She’s just as warm as she was then, too, fits just as well against his body.  _ Just as,  _ because it hasn’t been truly real since. 

“It was me,” she says after a few long minutes. “What you saw.”

“I felt you crumble to ash below me,” he whispers, barely audible. “You were there and then...you were so scared. I was so scared, Sakura, you were just...gone.” He shouldn’t be saying it but he can’t stop, can’t stem the tide. “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t save it.”

“It wasn’t your  _ fault,”  _ she says. “Honey, there’s nothing you could’ve done. It was not your burden to bear.” She tucks his head into her shoulder and cards her fingers through his hair, her pulse a constant and steady thrum in his ear as they hold one another. Eventually she begins to hum, singing for him a song of comfort and acceptance where he’d thought he’d find frustration. “I’m here, Raidou.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers again. “This was supposed to be a good night, you coming back. There were plans.”

“We can still do plans,” she says softly, “if you want.”

“It was just one,” he says, flicking his eyes to hers as the panic ebbs. “Simple thing turned out to be not so simple, I guess.” He laughs nervously, confidence bolstered when she doesn’t push him away. “I’d, ah...like to try it again.”

“I’d like that too.” Her fingers are cool on his skin as she traces over the open skin of his neck. Yet again, she doesn’t push. She stays still and silent, only the pads of her fingers rubbing over his scarring. “If you’re read--”

He doesn’t give her the chance to finish before brushing his lips against hers. Like everything else he’s done it’s careful, a little wary until she sighs happily. “I’m ready,” he says before wrapping his arms around her neck and letting his lips fall on hers again. There’s no electricity between them and for all Genma lectures him about having a spark, he finds that isn’t something he wants. 

This, now, this moment--the slight slip of fabric under his hands and her tongue teasing along the outer shell of his lips--it isn’t electric, it’s peaceful. He’s still shaking and still worn and worried she’ll disintegrate. He doubts he’ll ever be rid of the fear, but Sakura is here now. She promised she’ll stay, and he believes her. 

Ashes can fall another day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Feedback is _always_ appreciated and encouraged, be it via kudos/comments/bookmarks or through any of my social media below.
> 
> * [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sparkswithyou)  
> * [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4)  
> * [Discord](https://discord.gg/ZkxAX9r) (or aryagraceling#4222 if you're not looking for another server)  
> * [AO3 Armada](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951), a facebook group for all creators and readers.


	3. Chapter 3

Genma tells him he’s too cautious. “Been a while,” he so helpfully supplies on his way out the door for a mission. “I expect to see the house a wreck when I get back.”

Raidou doesn’t dignify that with an answer. It’s been a while, yes--thirteen weeks, to be exact, since he broke down. He and Sakura have grown closer and the overwhelming urge to keep her near when she says she needs to go home is beginning to fade. The wanting stays the same, but he’s starting to believe she’s going to be there when he wakes in the morning. He no longer wakes up panicking.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t wished to wake up to her face.

That night, he knocks on her door with food and a smile. “Hey,” he greets her, sliding an arm around her shoulder as she invites him in. “Figured after a long hospital day you could use a night in. Am I intruding?”

“No, I, uh--” she straightens her pants and her eyes flick down the hall to her bedroom-- “it’s good. I can eat.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she says, waving her hand distractedly as she begins to unpack the bag. “I was just in the middle of something.”

He’s not exactly sure what the right thing to do is, and he hovers near the edge of the table as he tucks his lip between his teeth. Her cheeks flush when she meets his eyes. “I can go,” he says awkwardly.

“I want you to stay,” she says. She wraps strong arms around him and kisses him, doing her best to distract him from the racing thoughts of  _ wrong.  _ “It was nothing, baby, I promise. Sit.” She pulls out a chair and pushes him down before sitting next to him. “How do you feel about a movie?”

“Chick flick?”

“You were the one who said I could use a night in,” she teases, nose scrunching as she grins. “You knew the consequences of your actions.”

“I suppose I’ll survive.” He kisses her forehead before both begin eating, trading stories about their day as the light fades outside. The nervousness abates slightly and he lets his knee bump against hers to settle him. Maybe Genma is right, he thinks, maybe he  _ is  _ too cautious. He pushes a little harder, earning himself a glance and little huff of a laugh. “What movie are you going to insist on tonight?”

“I was thinking the one you  _ really  _ hate,” she says, snickering at the disgust on his face. “I’m kidding. I don’t really care, you can pick one if you want.”

He picks her favorite anyway, the one he hates.

Thirteen weeks it’s been, and he doesn’t watch the movie in favor of watching something he enjoys far more. Their hands tangle in his lap as she reclines against him. Her hair flutters under each exhale as he begins to trace the veins and tendons on the inside of her wrist with his free hand, memorizing every inch. She leans harder when he reaches halfway up her arm, and he sighs happily at the shiver he earns when his lips brush across her forehead. “I don’t think you’re watching,” she whispers when he does it again. “I’m so hurt.”

He smirks. “I think you’re lying.”

“Mmm, perhaps.” She settles and doesn’t say anything more, simply resting against him as the movie plays. Bit by bit her fingers grow bolder, sweeping in broader and broader strokes over his thigh as he begins to squirm. She knows exactly what she’s doing, she has to. 

_ She’s _ not hesitant. 

“Sakura,” he whispers, mouth dry. “What--”

“You interrupted me earlier,” she murmurs as she turns to nuzzle into his neck. “I think you should help me take care of it.”

“Should I?” His voice breaks in the middle and he shakes his head to clear it. “I could probably manage that.” It’s so much more than he came here to do tonight, the thought daunting as her finger lifts the hem of his shirt to trace along the sensitive skin of his stomach. He tenses--it’s been a long time since anyone’s touched him like this, the last time being months before everything exploded into war. “What do you want? How? How. How do you want.”

“I want to take our time, Raidou,” she says softly. “There’s no rush.”

“I want you,” he breathes when she kisses his collarbone through his shirt. His brow pinches and he feels a little pathetic for how easy it is for her to get him hard. The way she’s got him wrapped around her finger is glorious and terrifying all at once, but that finger is doing things to him he can’t even begin to put into words. “I do, Sakura, so b-bad.” His head tips back to rest on the couch as she drops her hand to press against him, gently undulating her palm. “That’s not helping.”

“On the contrary,” she says. She moves to kneel over his lap and bends her lips to his ear. “It’s a lot harder to satisfy me if you’re not hard.” 

He lets out a choked gasp when she slides her hands up his chest, rucking his shirt up. “Are you sure?”

She kisses the doubts away with a heat in her intentions that can’t be misconstrued. The movie’s forgotten to the way her thumbs sweep over his chest before she casts his shirt aside and stares down as she takes a hissing breath in. “Yes,” she says distractedly.

“As, uh, good--” maybe he’s getting a little ahead of himself-- “as you imagined?”

“Better.” Her eyes flutter shut when he laces their hands together and pulls her arms over his shoulders, draping them over the back of the couch so he can lean forward to press his lips to her pulse. “And I  _ have  _ imagined.”

“Me too,” he whispers. While at first he’d avoided trying to think of her at all, eventually the pull became too much and he could not stop the way her face appeared unbidden in his fantasies. Even before Genma all but shoved them together he laid in his bed at night to the thought of her moving above him, below him,  _ anywhere  _ near him. “How you’d feel…”

“So feel me, Rai,” she says. “Touch me.” 

He does. Her shirt joins his on the floor and he spreads his hands over the small of her back as he rolls his hips up, grinding up into her as he’s longed to do for so long now. Sighs mingle when she rubs back and pulls his hands to her chest. He groans, then, low and unrestrained, because the supple skin is warm and beautiful and  _ his.  _

This moment is theirs.

Sakura is the first to suggest moving. “I want you to fuck me in my bed,” she murmurs. “Lay me down and just--” her lower lip drags over his skin as she noses up his neck-- “god, Raidou, just take me and make me forget my name.”

She’s never clung as hard as when he stands, carrying her down the hall to her room. There’s no shame when she tosses the toy she was using earlier to the side and tells him to strip. “Bold,” he mumbles against her lips as insistent hands tug at his pants. “Are you going to beg a little or just ord--no, no ordering’s good,” he rasps as she grabs him. 

She lets him go to crawl back on the bed, beckoning him forward. “I don’t want to wait anymore,” she says. “I don’t think you do either.” She sends a pointed look to where his hand rests over his cock, fingers light and teasing as they play over the head. “I want to do that.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

As in all things, she is  _ strong.  _ She could rip him to pieces, but she doesn’t. Instead she dismantles him bit by bit until he’s a quivering mess beside her, barely able to keep his eyes trained on the way her lips slide all the way down to his pelvis. The only thing keeping him grounded in reality is her nails scraping over his sides and making him whine at the stimulation. 

What’s stopping her?

_ Nothing.  _

He’s nearing the edge when she pulls off to look up at him. “I love those noises,” she says, voice a little hoarse. “Are you going to make them when you’re inside of me, too?”

“Fuck,” he curses as she dips lower to kiss his thigh, his balls, everywhere except where he wants it most. “Anything for you, just- _ god--”  _ His hands fist in the sheets and his knees bend when she takes him deep once more before crawling up to claim his lips with hers. “Sakura, please--”

The dream seems so far away now, though everything’s coming to fruition. Raidou finds himself less and less inclined to beg her to stay. It’s been proved over and over she will, and the way her body is so  _ solid  _ under his hands makes him feel secure in that. There’s no sign of ashes here under her beauty. Nothing crumbling except his composure, nothing fading but the sounds of the world outside.

“Rai…” She tangles their fingers and slides his arms out to the side, tongue tracing along the tendons cording in his neck as he whines. “Condoms are on the nightstand. I need you.”

“I love you.” 

Both freeze. His head drops to the side as his eyes close in an attempt to back away, shut out the way her eyes widened at the words he didn’t mean to say yet. Sakura’s fingers tighten in his before sliding up to hold his face, tipping it back up to hers for a searing kiss. At first he thinks maybe she doesn’t feel it, doesn’t want him to put whatever they have into words, and then…

She whispers it back, and his heart soars.

When he prepares and presses into her, she lets out the quietest sigh. Her arms curl over his shoulders and she takes his bottom lip between hers, rolling slightly as they take a few seconds to simply  _ be.  _ She opens for him, takes him in so far he’s sure he’ll never need anything but her heat again, and he allows her to overwhelm him.

Sweat-slick skin meets as they find themselves in the quiet of her room. It’s broken only by their names spilling from each other’s lips and the way her bedframe hits the wall at a particularly hard thrust, nothing else mattering to them in the moment. Raidou feels the familiar tension in his torso and stops, Sakura’s legs quivering where they’re wrapped around his hips. “Going dark?” she whispers.

“No.” He shakes his head and sheathes himself, grinding against her as he takes the time to worry a small bruise onto her collarbone. “Tell me how to make you come.”

She smirks before pulling a hand down and pressing his fingers to her. He doesn’t move in favor of wringing every possible gasp from her until she really does begin to beg, telling him all the things she’ll do if he doesn’t move  _ now.  _ He nearly wants to ask if that’s a challenge, but lets it go at her nails digging into his shoulders. It’s no surprise when she tenses, trembles, draws him to completion with her. 

“Interrupt me more often,” she says when they collapse, tracing her finger over the lines of his chest. Her eyes meet his, sparkling in the light coming through the curtains, and she leans up to kiss his cheek as he flushes. “Especially if you get that adorable little--” she touches his forehead and bunches her nose-- “when you worry about something. You didn’t mean to say it, did you?”

He knows he’s doing it again when she laughs. “No,” he says, leaning into her before groaning as he sits up to clean himself in the bathroom. The man looking back at him in the mirror is  _ happy.  _ The pull of his scars doesn’t seem so severe under the soft light, and the way his eyes lift at the sides has him feeling better than he has in a long time. “I didn’t mean to say it,” he says as he stands in the doorway. She beckons him over, and he lays next to her to burrow his face in her neck. “I’m glad I did, though,” he whispers. “You’re--I don’t know how long--”

“Shh,” she says. Her fingers card through his hair, drawing a long sigh out of him. “You are a patient, quiet man, Raidou. The fact that you’re comfortable enough to let that slip means the world to me.” She shuffles to her side to rest their foreheads together with a smile. “Don’t ever stop loving me.”

“You were perfection to me,” he murmurs. “Even now…” He hugs her close enough he can feel her heartbeat when his lips rest on her throat. “God, I can’t imagine anything but you in my future.”

“A few missions, maybe,” she teases, and he ruffles her hair before falling back to rest on the pillow. “Mmn, careful, might make you pay for that.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

She gasps in mock offense before tucking the blanket around them, telling him he’s not leaving tonight. It’s her asking this time, though there’s none of the worry his words held. “Stay,” she says softly. “Don’t let me go, Raidou. Stay with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one ended up a lot less angsty than I was originally planning, for once in my life.
> 
> So, what did you think? Feedback is _always_ appreciated and encouraged, be it via kudos/comments/bookmarks or through any of my social media below.
> 
> * [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sparkswithyou)  
> * [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AryaGrace4)  
> * [Discord](https://discord.gg/ZkxAX9r) (or aryagraceling#4222 if you're not looking for another server)  
> * [AO3 Armada](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951), a facebook group for all creators and readers.


End file.
